Dangerous Desires or Guilty Pleasures?

Last night while my daughter was out I may have watched Tomcat: Dangerous Desires on Netflix.  Maybe.  Let's just say that hypothetically, if I had done that, I might have discovered that my Internet connection was running slow and I couldn't stream it on my computer.  Then, I might have checked to see whether it would play on my iPad and discovered that it would, but that I'd first have to download an app.  And I might have done that and waited for it to download, even though it was pretty late at night and I had an appointment this morning.

In fairness to me, if I had done this, I would have looked first for If Looks Could Kill.  Probably the quality isn't much better, but I assume that there's more clothing involved. 

(There would almost have to be, right?)

 

Sadly, If Looks Could Kill isn't available for streaming, so if I HAD taken advantage of being home alone to watch an old, crappy Richard Grieco movie, I guess it would have been Dangerous Desires.

Here's what I might have discovered if I'd watched that movie:

• Richard Grieco was not only the biggest name by a longshot, but also far and away the most talented actor in this film.  Make of that what you will.
• The director of this film was far more interested in naked women than in naked men, which may have been an odd choice since I'm pretty sure men were not the prime audience for this story.
• Richard Grieco doesn't look all that much different with his head shaved.
• The writer (and I'm using the term loosely) apparently believes that cats don't have souls. 
• There are a lot of very unusual-looking types of insect.

Should you watch this movie?  Well, only if you can answer yes to one or more of the following questions:

• Have you always wanted to explore the concept of what might happen if we extracted a bit of DNA from a cat and injected it into a human brain?
• Do you want to see a young Richard Grieco semi-naked?
• Do you really enjoy watching people killed in pretty gruesome ways with very little provocation?
• Do you want to see a young Richard Grieco make love to a variety of women?
• Are you working on a list of the 100 worst films of the last century and looking for contenders?
• Are you very curious about Richard Grieco's butt?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, this movie may be for you.  I wouldn't, however, recommend it based on the story line, cast, cinematography, sound track, production or...you know...any of the stuff that makes a movie good.

If you're on the fence, scroll back up to the photograph.  If that doesn't influence you, this movie has nothing to offer you.  Unless, you know, you really are working on that "worst films" list.

Was Steve Batando Supposed to Make Me Laugh?

My daughter and I watched Veronica Mars a few years back.  At the time, I barely knew who Richard Grieco was, and I certainly didn't recognize him as the washed-up actor who's kidnapped by his ex-wife for his bone marrow.  I didn't even know that Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang was a real movie, let alone that it was Grieco's movie.  That little nod to real life might have caught my attention and given me a chuckle had I recognized it at the time, but I didn't.  And Batando's character, who only appeared in a couple of episodes and was more important for the behavior of the people around him than anything he did himself, didn't make much of an impression on me.

 

I'll admit that after I learned that Richard Grieco was Steve Batando, I was curious enough to want to go back and watch those episodes.  But Veronica Mars belongs to my daughter--the same daughter whose copy of 21 Jump Street I stole and the same daughter who ordered me to stop Googling Richard Grieco--and I didn't want to push my luck.  A couple of nights ago, she suggested that we "find Steve Batando" and I pretended nonchalance and let her look up the episode and find the DVD.

 

During Batando's first scene, I nearly laughed out loud.  If you haven't seen the show, Grieco plays a washed up actor whose ex-wife resorts to holding a fake audition in order to get his attention to talk about their son.  Was that one of those references like Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang? I didn't know, but it was certainly a much funnier scene knowing a little bit about Richard than it had been the first time around. 

 

It was funny, but I couldn't work out whether or not that was intentional.

 

I studied the screen hard for signs of Booker.  If my daughter is to be believed (I say she's not), I was leaning in a bit and my brow was furrowed. But I just couldn't see it.

 

And then:

 

 

I wish this picture was a video.  The leaning in, the hand gestures, the expressive yet dismissive explanations...suddenly, this guy was familiar to me.  But just barely.

 

Somewhere online, I saw a woman comment that she'd had a crush on Booker for years and Rob Thomas had killed it with this character. But I think that's unduly harsh.  A guy in his forties is...not a guy in his twenties. Sure, Steve Batando was a little rough, but that was the character. If you're not looking for Booker, Richard Grieco is a pretty good looking guy.  If you are looking for Booker, well...he's a little young for you.

 

Thunder Levin's AE

I wouldn't exactly call it a well-kept secret that Thunder Levin is either in the process of filming or has just wrapped filming on AE.  I can't work out a lot about the film except that Richard Grieco and Adrian Paul (of Highlander fame) are in it, it's being shot in Costa Rica and it appears to have a sci fi and/or horror bent.

That's because, though it's not exactly a secret, no one seems to be talking about the film.  It doesn't seem to have an official website.  Grieco hasn't mentioned it on his website.  If it weren't for Adrian Paul sharing some lovely photographs on Facebook, I'd know even less than I just related. 

Now, I know a little about the independent film industry, and I know there's probably little to report at this point. Based on the little bit of information I've seen, I suspect that the film wasn't commissioned and its creators have no idea when or where it will premiere, nor when and how it will be distributed.  Maybe they'll shop it around.  Maybe they'll submit it to festivals.  (Maybe I'm making this all up because there's no information available.)

Bottom line is, I get that there's not much news right now, and probably a limited budget.  But Thunder...dude...you've got two hot guys who, while they're not exactly Ryan Gosling at the box office, have pre-existing and loyal fan bases who will be eager to see this movie.  Tease us a little.  Show us pictures of them all manly and sweaty in the jungle and create a need to see more.  You know having fans clamoring to see a film can't hurt you, no matter which route you decide to go.

Seems like Adrian Paul is the only guy in this game who has a sense of the value of that kind of buzz.  Either that or he just likes sharing photos on Facebook.  After much internal debate, I decided not to steal any of his pictures to post here, but if you're a fan of Richard Grieco or Adrian Paul, you should check them out on his official Facebook page.

What Does Best Buy Have Against Richard Grieco?

Yeah, I know--I decided last week that I wasn't going to buy Booker while I was on this ever-lengthening unpaid medical leave and had no idea when my next paycheck was coming.  But then I had a brainstorm. See, I have a Best Buy gift card I've been sitting on for quite a while, and what better way to spend it than to entertain myself while I was in this very frustrating limbo?

(You want to take a moment out in the middle of this story of my endless fruitless quest for a $19 television series from the 80s to look at him, right?  Okay, okay...if you insist.)

 

I hope you're happy.  That was no fun for me.

 

Anyway, after it emerged that Best Buy for some reason doesn't carry Booker (you'd think there was little demand for single-season spin-offs from 20+ years ago or something), I decided to look around and see what other work of Grieco's they might have available.  I'd been kind of surprised by the number of movies listed on IMDB and his official website, and I'd never seen any of them.

 

Of course, it seemed like there was a good reason for that.  I mean, something about Tomcat: Dangerous Desires didn't really appeal to me.  And that disinterest intensified when I saw the cover of the DVD box and realized that they weren't using "tomcat" metaphorically.  The movie has a 3.2/10 rating on IMDB and involves a scientific experiment that turns a guy into a cat.  Or a half-cat. Or some kind of cat-like creature.

 

Yeah, I'm not even into good sci fi.

 

But...

 

Well, I saw a few still from the movie, and they looked pretty hot. I figured it couldn't be too expensive.  And, you know, I have this gift card.

 

But no.  Unbelievably, Best Buy doesn't carry that one, either.  In fact, a search for Grieco's name on the Best Buy website came up empty.

 

Could somebody please send me a gift card for Grieco's official website?

 

 

 

Googling Richard Grieco

I didn't do it.

Stop, that is.  My daughter tried to intervene, but I stay up later than she does.  And I'm glad I didn't listen, because I found one of the funniest websites I've ever seen.  Of course, I landed on the site on an article about Richard--he's the one I was Googling, after all.  But the whole site is loaded with hilarious content.

I'm sure some of his die-hard fans won't think this is funny, but they'll be wrong.  And seriously, I haven't been aware of his existence for very long, but the one thing that seems pretty clear in my limited exposure is that the guy has a hell of a sense of humor about his quasi-washed up status (probably because he seems to have a lot of interests and probably doesn't spend a lot of time lamenting the passage of the glory days). 

So, check it out.  It's funny, really. 

Actor Richard Grieco Discovered Living in Storage Unit on Storage Wars

Intervention

This afternoon, my daughter said to me, "Mom, you have to stop Googling Richard Grieco."

I laughed and said, "I really need to go back to work."

She wasn't willing to let it go at that.

"It would be different if you LIKED him," she continued.

Fair point, I guess.

"Although you're generally not obsessive even when you like someone."

I agreed.

"So WHAT IS HAPPENING?" she asked.

I posted this on her Facebook wall:

Is There Anything Sexier than a Man with a Guitar?

Who knew Richard Grieco was a musician?



Yeah, yeah. I heard that.

Booker and Me

Since I've been sick, I've had a terrible time getting up in the morning.  Or rather, I've had a terrible time IF I get up in the morning. I can do it, but I pay for it all day.  If I sleep until I wake up naturally, I don't feel too bad.  But, of course, that creates a vicious cycle. After sleeping until mid-afternoon, I'm not exactly ready to fall asleep at 10 p.m.

It was frustrating at first, and tomorrow it will be again, because I only have one episode of 21 Jump Street left with Booker in it.

I've mentioned that I'm not big on celebrity crushes or television in general, right?  I have a graduate degree.  In this illness-induced downtime, I'm reading books about politics and economics spanning a couple of hundred years. I'm reading all of E.M. Forster's novels.  On the days I feel up to it, I'm working on a novel.

When I'm not watching 21 Jump Street, that is.

But that all ends tonight.  And I'm not buying this:



 

Honestly, I'm not. 

"Sure," you're probably saying, "you say that like it's a decision you made because it's a spin-off from a show that was very poorly written to begin with and spin-offs are always stupider than the original show, but we know what's really going on.  We know that you're trying to be ultra-conservative about what you spend since you haven't had any income for months and don't expect to have any any time soon, and we ALSO know that if you felt like you could in good conscience spend the money, you'd not only be ordering that show but getting that sucker shipped overnight."

But you don't know what you're talking about.  I have Amazon Prime, and I could wait for the free 2-day shipping.

It's Perfectly Normal to Have a Crush on a Fictional Character from the 80s

I've always said that I didn't understand boredom.  If ever I had a free moment, there was a long list of things I'd like to do waiting in the wings. Of course, that assumed that I'd be able to do them.

It's nearly 3 a.m., but I'm wide awake. I've been off work for nearly three months and learned a few days ago that it's going to be at least two more before I can return to normal.  Nearly half a year lost to whatever is growing where it doesn't belong inside my body.

I've had some big problems:  I've had no income for three months; I've had problems with my medical insurance; my car broke down and with no income in the foreseeable future, I'm afraid to spend the money to get it fixed.  All along I've said, and believed, that things could be a lot worse.

No more.

Tonight, I've hit rock bottom.  Tonight, I'm sitting up alone watching 21 Jump Street on purpose.

I've never been much of a television viewer and I was a little too old for the Johnny Depp craze in the late 80s, so I'd never seen the show until recently.  I bought it for my teenage daughter, a big Depp fan, almost as a joke. She loved it, but we agreed that it was one of the worst-written shows we'd ever seen, laughing out loud at the abrupt, unexplained changes in back story and unmentioned disappearances of major characters.

She watched much of it in her bedroom, so my viewing was spotty and for the first couple of seasons, that was fine with me.  Then, Season 3 rolled around.  If you were a fan of the show the first time around, you probably know what happened.  In case, like me, you weren't watching, it was basically this:

 

 

I know, I know.  In real life, Richard Grieco is a little older than I am.  In this old footage, he's just a little older than my son.  On top of that, I never found the guy (whom I didn't know was IN 21 Jump Street until last week) attractive back in his hayday.  He always kind of looked to me like he was wearing make-up, and his eyebrows really popped in a way that distracted me from his obvious physical perfection made them the first thing I noticed about his face.  On top of all that, I've just never been the fangirl type.

 

So pay no attention to the fact that I've stolen my teenage daughter's DVDs.